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Being judgemental vs Making judgements

Posted by Jesus' Gal at 4:51 AM

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Koala Gal: "I seem to have a difficulty of getting into the core concern and difficulty when I present my views on an issue/cluster of issues. I have to say a few times the same thing and each time may be slightly differently in the hope of getting closer to my concern. I have a rational point, and also an emotional attachment/side in that issue that I don't know how to put it, so I can only go round in a spiral, so maybe getting closer to the point as I repeat the circle.


The emotional side is: I have such a bias of not or deficit in PASSING JUDGEMENT on another person's behaviors for fear of being judgmental. Yes, we need to be careful of discerning right and wrong. You have summarized so succinctly the 4-5 levels of disagreement in Christianity principles/values interpreted from the Bible (just see ur email; from diff interpretation; diff denomination; etc), that's why when we judge that Someone is WRONG, it is the highest level of disagreement and have a narrow sense of actually going against our Christian beliefs.

OK, pretend that we have already got a clear ground of saying that it is WRONG. Then we still need to ask, what give us the reason to JUDGE. For the growth of the church members, for defending what is right/wrong..., etc. Would it be better if the reason is really about faith growth, then let the talk be used in guided discussion, and to discuss why this and that point are of 'danger' or 'actually wrong'?


My emotional side.... my reluctance in passing on judgement, my fear of being judgmental. If the grounds are there and with good reason and practicality to pass a judgement, then do it. I honestly can't get over this idea, as I thought deeply inside that only our God can judge us. We have judges to implement the man-made laws, that's ok."

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K said: "We of course are making judgment everyday.
At least we are judging the contents of her talk, maybe not on the person herself.
You judged that the sister is good in teaching investment and you invited her. You won't just invite anyone on the street. Now is not a problem of whether we make judgment or not but that well-meaning christians are having clashes in judgments. "
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Koala Gal: " I am not afraid of making judgement, really, I am afraid of being judgmental.

Even if there are no clashes of judgment, when everybody would say that who is wrong in doing this and that, and I agree so, I am still afraid of being judgmental, like in Matthew, that I see a spike in others but not a log in myself. Even if I have no such 'log' in myself, I can still be judgmental.

I am quite comfortably OK in my therapy, after so many years of reflection on this issue, I have decided I want to make judgment and not being judgmental in my therapy, and ..xyz... that's how I implement it. I can easily give you examples because that's what I have been practicing according to that belief. But I still haven't been able to get it right when it comes to a church setting. I may not be doing it exactly it, or good enough in a therapy setting, but still it is a lot better than in a church-setting.

Yes, I am surprised, but I have known that for quite some time already, and I can see his change and development, from don't know what to say at all, like most church-people did when my boys attended, to being fluent and understanding, but he still lacks (well, he agrees too that it is actually non-existent at all in his mind) BOUNDARIES, which I have come up with a clear set and a subtle set myself and shared with others and my brother last night.
What do you think of my mother's 'bad church' and the new impression of Charlton about my church... and my church work? This is what I concern. "

 

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